あるLetterの検証(2)

下の文章が私なりにザッと書いてみた文章です。おそらくEmotionalな部分ができるだけ表面に出ないように書き換えられているのが分かると思います。かなり短くなっていますが問題点はすべてカバーされていると思います。

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Steve,

I would like to update you for the recent progress and issues of the project A as follows. Please let me know if you want to discuss the issues/next steps with me.

Status
  • The project is behind the schedule by approx. 1 month due to availability of design information from XYZ.
  • One of the key reasons is that roles and responsibilities between ABC Europe and XYZ have yet to be fully agreed.
  • Mr. Rabbit seems to have the same understanding of R&R's as ABC Europe, which has been conflicting with XYZ so far. I can understand XYZ's comments as well as Mr. Rabbit's position.
Next Steps
  • While the R&R's are not yet fully agreed, XYZ will have an internal meeting to develop countermeasures and provide us with a proposal at today's meeting.
  • We will review XYZ's proposal with you after the meeting today. If the proposal is not agreeable to us, we would need to discuss next steps further.
  • I also suggest we have a separate discussion with XYZ and ABC Europe to agree with the R&R's. I believe it would be beneficial for both the party to progress the project in a timely manner.
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  • いかがでしょうか? a Bad newsから始まり、Mr. Rabbitへの不平不満、どうしたらいいのか分からない不安感は文面から消え、なおかつ存在している問題点は端的に指摘できているのではないでしょうか?私の削除した部分は上司にいう必要ない部分というだけでなく、逆に自分が損をしかねない部分だと思います。
  • 外資系では文書(いわゆる書き物)は日本の企業に比べ遙かに重要視されます。注意が必要です。詳細は後述しますが、日本人が想像できないほど彼らは文面にこだわります。